Caribbean HuMor Connection's "Archives"

*** BUS RIDE ***

Trevor and Tony are walking home from Greater Portmore to Waterford after a night drinking. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.

Trevor has an idea and says to Tony "Go in deh and tief a bus so we can drive home and mi wi stay out ya and watch out fi de police". Tony duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Trevor is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Trevor sticks his head around the wall and sees Tony running from bus to bus and looking very worried.

"What di hell you a do Tony, move it!" to which Tony replies "Mi caan find a Waterford bus anywhere Trevor!"

Where upon Trevor, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "Yu stupid idiot Tony, tief a rassklawt downtown bus and mek wi get off at the T-Junction and walk di rest of di way."

Author Unknown

Taken From JAMWORLD'S CARIBBEAN HuMor CONNECTION (Click on Yardy  Humor)

Click your mouse to Help Wipe Out Hunger!

Hi all,

I have just been made aware of a web site which is sponsored by several corporations. Every time that you go to that site and click on the "Donate Free Food" button, one of those corporations will make donation to feed a starving person for one day. You can do this once a day.

This is a form of advertising for the sponsoring corporations. It gets their name in front of you, just the way that a television commercial does. It does not cost you anything to make this donation, everything is paid for by the sponsoring corporation.

Please take the time to do this and share this web site with others. It is an easy way to help!

http://www.thehungersite.com/

Submitted by Marilyn D. (NYC)

New Talent shows signs of a Movement Rising!

Movement Rising is a  CD compilation of conscious artists from St. Kitts, W.I. - where reggae music has left a mark on the cultural transformation of the island.

The CD features a collaboration of 14 artists, with lyrical connotations that attempt to uplift the oppressed people of this earth through the power of song.  If you are a freedom fighter and you appreciate grass roots reggae on rivetting bass lines (with a  touch of Soca in some instances), you will love this powerful artistic work.

Produced by Sankofa and Stiba (New Vibes Band) for House of Judah Productions, this CD features artists from groups such as Melcheizedek School (Junior Silk, Khalaskah, Bamboo, and Nybal); House of Judah (Shalachi, Youtie, Keleki, Sankofa, and Shiloh); and the Fire House Crew (Ilobash and Kamrol).  Solo artists that also appear on the CD include TG, Malbo, and Sobrattie.

If you are looking to enhance your spiritual meditation, express emotional love, or if you are simply in a party mood, there is definately a song (or several) on this CD for you.

Thanks to his Imperial Majesty Emperor Haile Selassie for making this possible with his divine inspiration, and much love goes out to all our fans, and to those who are a part of the Movement Rising!

Submitted by L. Shorte (St. Kitts)

Copies of the Movement Rising CD are $13 each and can be purchased at www.MusicFrEaKCentral.com.  For Booking Info please email  us at JAMWORLD95@aol.com.

The Caribbean's Tarnished Jewel

This Week's Economist - K I N G S T O N

Economic difficulties, the drug trade, and criminal violence have combined to turn Jamaica into a country in seemingly relentless decline. There are signs of hope, but not many.

The newspaper headlines were lurid: "Three shot dead in ganja field"; "Sodom and Gomorrah in Ocho Rios"; "Thugs strip homes as residents cower in fear". Yet it has been a quiet week. The terror was of an everyday kind to which Jamaicans have become grimly accustomed. In a country of 2.6 million people, last year there were 953 murders, most of them in the capital, Kingston (population: 707,000). And 145 suspected criminals were shot dead by the police.

Many others among the island states of the Caribbean have their share of problems - small, vulnerable economies, corruption, money laundering, and the drug trade among them - but they also show clear signs of progress, including steady economic growth recently. Not Jamaica: its economy is declining, and the government is struggling to maintain law and order.

Local gang leaders, the dons, control drugs and protection rackets. In such Kingston neighborhoods as Matthews Lane and Tivoli Gardens, they, not the police, keep the lid on petty criminals, and they kill suspected informers. Gang disputes can flare from almost trivial incidents. After a gang member's mother was punched in June, nine neighbors were shot dead in three weeks.

Jamaica's malaise has many facets. They include rising poverty. GDP per person has fallen by 7% since 1991. The minimum wage was recently raised, to $30 per week, but many Jamaicans work in the "informal" economy, and earn less. The economy's prospects are poor: output is set to shrink in 1999, for the fourth consecutive year, and recovery is unlikely until 2001 at the earliest. Debt interest eats up 41% of government revenue. Tourism is stagnant, partly because of unflattering reports of crime and violence. Export industries, including bauxite, sugar, bananas and clothing, suffer from low international prices or high costs (or both). After a string of bank collapses, 70% of the financial system is now in the hands of a state rescue agency. Lending rates are over 33%, and many businesses now have hefty debts.

Twice in the past year, discontent has erupted in rioting. It happened first in September 1998, after a powerful don was briefly held on an attempted-murder charge, and then again in April, when the government raised the petrol price by 30%. Pessimists fear new, and fiercer, riots.

Crime and violence are not just the result of poverty. The deep social rift between Kingston's middle-class "uptown" and impoverished "downtown", are to blame too, as are the scars of history. As well as slavery, these include the conflicts of the 1970s, when Edward Seaga's Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) opposition and Michael Manley's People's National Party (PNP) government aligned themselves with rival gun gangs, and tore the country apart. Those battles reverberate still, which is why there have been calls for a "truth and reconciliation" commission, a bit like South Africa's. But the idea has been rejected both by the prime minister, Percival Patterson, who leads the PNP, and, not surprisingly, by Mr Seaga, who still leads the JLP.

The illegal drug industry has added to the problems. Ganja, or marijuana, has long been a local crop. Perhaps half the male population takes it; country grannies feed children ganja tea for the flu. Some marijuana is exported. But the serious money is in trans-shipping cocaine. Most comes in by small "go-fast" speedboats from Colombia, and is transported to the United States by other means. According to the

United States' customs, in the 12 months to September 1998, 37% of drug-carrying passengers (known as "mules") arrested at American airports were from Jamaica (though not all of them were Jamaican nationals). Since then, mule traffic from Jamaica has risen still further, according to several close watchers. Jamaicans play a similar role in cocaine trafficking to Britain. But consumption of coke and crack is still a minority taste in Jamaica, and even ganja-smoking Rastafarians denounce its corrosive social effects.

Drug control places heavy demands on police time. So far this year, 588 hectares of marijuana fields have been destroyed; 44 tons of the crop have been seized; and 4,400 people have been arrested on drugs charges. Yet that has little impact on supply. Last month, the annual conference of the ruling PNP voted by a big majority for a government commission to look at legalizing ganja (but not cocaine). Legalization is opposed by K.D. Knight, the national security minister. Instead, he proposes a special drugs court which would give non-violent offenders non-custodial sentences and counseling.

Since July, the army has been patrolling the streets and beaches jointly with the police. Mr. Knight says that over the past two years the murder rate has fallen by 10%, and other serious crimes by even more. Jamaica, he says, is "a safe tourist destination." He may be right. Most of the tourists stick to the north coast, where the crime rate is fairly low.

Jamaicans have been "hanging in there" for a generation. They may continue to do so, helped by remittances from those who have migrated to New York, Toronto or Britain. There are enough new cars (or at least second-hand ones imported from Japan) to gridlock Kingston's rush-hour traffic. Companies from Trinidad and Barbados have invested in cement and insurance businesses. Optimists (and they do exist) talk of new hotels, public-sector reform, bauxite investments, and relaxing the telecoms monopoly.

Others hope for a miracle. Outside an evangelical church in the financial district of New Kingston, a sign proclaims: "Sickness. Misery. Depression. Broken Heart. Unemployment. Disappointment. Bad Luck. Twelve bishops will take your prayer request to Mount Sinai for your total change." They have plenty of takers.

Aurthor Unknown

Submitted by Verdene L (Ithaca, NY)

Rob Symeonn steps to the Reggae Scene!

Rob Symeonn, a rising star in the reggae world, arrived in the U.S. in 1978.  He has made his home in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn (or as he calikes to describe it, "little Caribbean.")  

He is committed to helping return reggae to its roots.  Using his timeless voice and songwriting skills, he has been building a successful career and is now positioned to join the international reggae scene!

For Booking infomation or to obtain a copy of Rob Symeonn's latest CD, please email us at JAMWORLD95@aol.com.

A Comparison Between Barbados & Jamaica

[In our unrelenting quest to find what it is that is causing the systematic collapse of Jamaican society as we know it, we turn to a piece written by Peter Espeut.  Peter Espeut is a sociologist and executive director of an environment and development NGO.]

Barbados Diary, Aug 25, 1999

It is too easy to make invidious comparisons between Barbados and Jamaica, both Commonwealth Caribbean islands independent around the same time. From our previous trips and in the few days we have been here, my wife and I have been struck by a public transport system that works, the discipline on the roads (fraying a bit at the edges, I do observe) and the general orderliness of the place; an exchange rate of two-to-one. The highest standard of living in the Caribbean, says the United Nations. A government and society that works!

What is wrong with Jamaica, she asks, why we cannot be like this? She, by the way, is a Trinidadian. I don't exactly know, but there are a few clues. Barbados has a literacy rate of 99 per cent, the highest in the Caribbean. They have invested in education for all their people - up to high school. In the name of agricultural development Jamaica sought to protect the labour supply for cane pieces and banana walks in rural areas, and so we intentionally restricted the life chances of thousands of Jamaicans by offering them sub-standard education. I will never forget the shock of my discovery in 1987 that since Independence we had built only two high schools (entered through the Common Entrance Examination) while we had built over 70 New Secondary Schools in the same period (entered by failing the same exam). Why is it that Jamaican government policy called for children to fail?

Barbados has no ghettos and no garrisons. They have strong political parties born about the same time as ours, but they did not resort to violence and guns and political thuggery as ours did. They had housing projects, but did not distribute the scarce benefits like ours did - through crass political favouritism. They had power struggles, but did not divide themselves into political tribes, armed camps fighting one against the other for political spoils. Maybe Barbadians were too educated to fall for that political trick. Why have our politicians so divided us? If you doubt we are divided, just listen to the talk shows: sycophants and loyalists.

Beaches in Barbados belong to Barbadians. There is no such thing as a private beach here. Hotels have to provide access for the public, and the signs are large. There is no attempt to segregate locals from tourists. But then again, tourist harassment is at a minimum. Barbadians don't need to harass tourists to earn a bread. They have not been impoverished and underprivileged by decades of government policy.

Last Friday night my wife and I went to the fishing village of Oistins. They have a wonderful fish fry and fete every Friday night, attended by tourists and locals alike. Lots of reggae, lots of food, lots of talk. Not a fight or brawl that I saw.

Poverty of mind - The main source of tourist harassment in Jamaica is the poverty of mind and pocket experienced by Jamaicans. Tourism police and resort patrols will not stop harassment, and we do not have big enough jails to lock up all the offenders. All-inclusives (or exclusives) are a temporary solution, although an unpleasant one. The only permanent solution is to level the education playing field, to offer literacy to all while they are young.

This is not as easy as it sounds. A system has been created that feeds on itself, and is hard to change. As chairman of the board of a rural school with high illiteracy rates, you see the problem clearly, but the solution is bigger than you are. There is a system at work, which can defeat you.

There are rich and poor in Barbados, but the gap does not appear as wide as in Jamaica which has the 11th largest gap (Gini coefficient) between the rich and poor in the world (the countries with oil sheikhs beat us)! I do not believe we have taken seriously the (moral and other) implications of such a large gap, and the impact this has on order and discipline in Jamaica. Maybe we are so immersed in it we can't see the forest for the trees. It is when you visit places with a similar history and social structure like Trinidad and Barbados that you notice it most. Why is it that Jamaicans go in so much for conspicuous consumption and ostentation?

I do not believe that Jamaica will progress meaningfully until we address the inequality woven so finely into the fabric of Jamaican society many of us do not even see it. And of course, many of us have benefited from it and may not feel it is in our interest to change it.

As I said earlier, it is easy to make invidious comparisons. My wife looks at Barbados and Trinidad and says there is hope for Jamaica, her adopted home. I agree!

Submitted by Paula C (Washington, D.C.)

Inspirational Note - "The Real Black Man"

Good Black men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls and the halls at work Most we can't see because we don't know what a good man really looks like.

He usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a Lex. He might not have a "body like Arnold with a Denzel face." But, as you mature, you'll realize it's better to find someone who's got your back than someone who can turn your head.

P R E A C H !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A good man doesn't agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn't declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, yada yada he is (he won't have to because it shows).

He has his own opinions and you may clash, but he doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A good man is not going to meet every item on your check list. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don't live to "catch" him doing something wrong so you can declare, "Aha! I knew you were a dog!!"

A good man doesn't necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine's gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don't judge him by TV standards. No one is living that fairy tale life for real. You'll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good.

It's just not true.

Black Men, we salute you, and thank you for who you are and all you've done.

Aurthor Unknown

Submitted by Prince Tuffie, Editor in Chief

Teachers Ready to Take New Ideas Back to Haiti.

Published Sunday, August 8, 1999, in the Miami Herald

SANDRA MARQUEZ GARCIA, Herald Staff Writer

Like many original ideas, the decision to launch a technical training school in Haiti to produce skilled workers for the country's sagging economy began at a dinner table. The table just happened to be at the U.S. Ambassador's residence in Port-au-Prince and the dinner guests included a mix of prominent Haitians and Americans. Three years later,their informal chatter has grown into reality.

On Friday, nine teachers and the executive director of Haiti Tec, a 300,000-square-foot learning center to be built on the outskirts of the Haitian capital, received diplomas after completing a three-month training program at the Miami Lakes Technical Education Center. ``It was really an exchange ofexperience and methodology,'' said Michelle Guillaume, executive director of Haiti Tec, who shadowed administrators at three area technical schools during her stint here.

She returns to Haiti on Tuesday with a stack of files on handling budgets, scholarships and public relations. ``It was another approach to learning,'' she said. David Lawrence Jr., former publisher of The Miami Herald and now professor at Florida International University, was at the ceremony to tell the school's story. He recalled how the conversation at the home of Ambassador William Lacey Swing boiled down to one key concern: ``What does Haiti inevitably need?'' Education was the answer that came back from Maryse Penette, Haiti's undersecretary of state for tourism, and others gathered at the table, Lawrence said. Unlike development programs that get cooked up in Washington, D.C., or elsewhere, the technical training school was not imposed from outside -- a factor that could be critical to its success, Lawrence said. ``This is what is so singularly important about this,'' Lawrence said. ``If this works it's because Haitians made it work.''

A joint Haitian and American initiative, Haiti Tec founders -- which include American Airlines, St. Thomas University, Miami-Dade County Public Schools, The Miami Herald and six Haitian business associations -- have raised more than $1 million so far. The target date for opening is January 2000 and many forces -- including the U.S. military -- are in on the project. Lawrence said he has secured a commitment from Gen. Charles E. Wilhelm, commander in chief of the U.S. Southern Command, for U.S. troops to build the school as a parting gift before their expected departure from the Caribbean nation later this year. Lawrence and others involved in the project remain hopeful that a technical school training up to 800 students per year in ``skills that are genuinely necessary,'' -- such as air conditioning repair, automotive repair, electrical wiring and plumbing -- can help reverse the rate of poverty in Haiti, where unemployment tops 70 percent.

Rhony Desrogene, 34, one of Haiti Tec's teachers that graduated Friday, said he believes the new school will succeed where others have failed because of the Haitian public sector's involvement in developing the curriculum. ``One of the biggest problems is that technical schools in Haiti are not focused on the working world,'' Desrogene said. ``There is no connection between the schools and the needs of the marketplace.''

Submitted by Nadhege A. (California)